Wisdom

Since Kate and Maya have been out in the world for almost a year now, I've been reflecting on the last year and on both how difficult it was and on how far we've come in a year.

If I could go back in time and give my pregnant, bed resting, pre-eclampsic self, what would I say? I think the biggest thing would be "DON'T WORRY, IT WILL BE OKAY!" I spent so much of the first year worrying about things that I either didn't have any control over or that were just plain silly. Specifically (here come the numbered bullet points) I would tell myself that:

1. The babies will tell YOU when they are ready for certain things. For example, my stupid pediatrician asked me if I was reading to the babies at their 2 month appointment. I said yes because I didn't want her to think I was a bad mother and then tried to read to them everyday even though they had absolutely no interest in it and would scream every time I tried. Then, one day, around 8 months they suddenly became interested in books and now one of their favorite activities is "reading" and being read to. Now it's a pleasure to read to them and they actually enjoy it.

2. Don't worry about whether they are meeting their milestones exactly when the books say they should. I also spent a good amount of mental energy wondering and worrying about when the girls would roll over for the first time. When they were ready to roll over, they did.

3. Don't be so stressed and depressed if breastfeeding doesn't work out. I have beaten this dead horse over and over again and wasted months being depressed and stressed about it. I have contemplated telling that story on this blog, but I don't think anyone would be that interested and, to be honest, I'm just sick of thinking about it. In the end, despite being formula babies, somehow they are healthy (well, most of the time, anyways), happy and thriving. Yes, we all know "breast is best", but now I know that formula is pretty good, too.

4. Read more novels and fewer baby care books and websites about baby raising. I think I have Dr. Spock, What to Expect the First Year and the American Academy of Pediatrics books memorized. Reading these books somehow undermined my parental instincts and made me worry about things that I really didn't have to worry about (see bullet points 1-3). The AAP book said to contact your pediatrician if your baby isn't rolling over by 6 months, so I did. She took one look at my active, alert babies and laughed and said she wasn't worried about them. That didn't stop me from worrying, though, of course.

5. Don't think that there is some "I never get away from the babies" prize at the end of the year that you need to win. I was so worried that the babies wouldn't bond with me because I wasn't breastfeeding (see #3) and because I sometimes had to prop bottles which some of the books said was an absolute no no (see #4) that I have only been away from them a handful of times since they were born. Let's see - there was Josh's birthday dinner in December, a Christmas party, an afternoon away in March, a weekend away in April, an afternoon away a few weeks ago, and another afternoon away a few weeks ago. There were probably a few grocery shopping trips and doctor's appointments here and other such small trips there, but not much. So, do I win a prize? Nope, I didn't think so.

6. The babies are a lot tougher than you think. They can handle a cold or even the flu. They survived the swine flu with flying colors (well, at least we THINK it was the swine flu) and have had a few colds without slowing down much. I'm still washing my hands and their hands a lot, but am not as freaked out if they start getting a runny nose.